LYRIC FOR SALE

By SMR

For as long as I remember you’ve asked me
"Who is she? The girl you like?
What is her name?"
Go ahead ask me again
Have me erased
With each word’s clear implication
Which by the hundredth time my mind had internalized
And fear had been engraved in me

The air is getting thinner
The walls are closing in
I can not allow myself any sort of deviation
As the things they say don’t sound like mere suggestions or expectations but obligations
That are a given
So I comply and keep the real me hidden
But what if I make a mistake and I’m caught and shamed?
It drives me insane
I'm too scared to be myself in this place

The price is too high
The risk too great
So I’ve conditioned myself to not love
To not let anyone in
To stay alone, for as trust is just something I can’t afford

I exist inside a prison intent to have me contained for the rest of my days
These walls that surround me are the limits of who they allow me to be
Why do I need permission to be free?
I haven’t done a single illegal, bad deed
So why am I rotting in this prison they have built for me
I wish to tear down all that confines me to their sanctimonious ideology which hates me and tries to erase me
But I’m terrified beyond belief
Just how do I free myself from the expectations that have been instilled in me since before I could even breathe?

The price is too high
The risk too great
So I’ve conditioned myself to not love
To not let anyone in
To stay alone, for as trust is just something I can’t afford

I don’t want to be controlled any longer
Not by them nor my fear
Is it not one’s right to live one’s life however one desires?
For as long as no harm is done and no pain is caused
I hope one day I can be free
Free of their hypocrisy
Free of the shame that curses the blood that courses through me

But the price is too high
The risk too great
So I’ve conditioned myself to not love
To not let anyone in
To stay alone, for as trust is just something I can’t afford

I hope it’s not too late
This can’t be my fate
I am just so scared of what they might say
Scared to see the look in their eyes change while they claim that all is the same