LYRIC FOR SALE

By Mily

Tonight I write your name on my glass
Fingertips shaking, my heart breaks like the past
Still searching for you in every dark corner
As if you'll come back to hug me, like you always used to, wrong time, wrong order

Your shirt still hangs by the door
I won’t move it — it still smells like “what for?”
Why does life take those who know how to love?
And leave me with silence where we used to speak of?

You’re not here, but you’re everywhere
In each drop of wine, in the silence of my prayer
In songs where I break and sadness explodes
In autumn rain when my soul quietly corrodes

You’re not here, but I feel you in my breath
Your words whisper through moments of death
“Be a man,” you said, “don’t kneel for the pain”
But you never knew, Dad, how much hearts can strain…

I see myself in the mirror, those are your eyes
And when I smile, it’s painted in your disguise
But the smile never lasts, it shatters like glass
’Cause when a heart breaks, it’s silent to all, but loud in my past

I speak to your grave all the words left unsaid
And ask: “Are you proud, Dad? Am I close to what you led?”
’Cause down here without you, nothing makes sense
The world feels cold, but with your name, I still make amends

You’re not here, but you’re everywhere
In dreams where you breathe, in the sorrow I bear
In every song I write with no plan
In the cigarette burning while I hold your old scan

You’re not here, but I carry you like a cross
Like a vow in my chest, my first, deepest loss
And if I’m gone tomorrow, let them all see
Dad, I loved you most… eternally, me

When the lights go off, and the song ends too
You and I, same people, same wound, same view
If I disappear… let it be understood
That for you, Dad, I’d give it all back if I could